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| I can't control my emotions anymore. They have taken over any control I may have once had.
I can't even cry in peace.
God. Shut the hell up, Amanda. Man up.
Self Pity is pathetic.
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| School is killing me. I'm getting weaker and less tolerant towards schoolwork.
I hate Calculus. I want out.
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| I have had two minor slips this month, but I refuse to let that ruin everything going good for me lately. I am not going to let anything or anyone get to me anymore! I am going to be a whole new person during junior year.
FORGET being upset over those things.
I feel like I am getting older. I earned my permit on Tuesday! And I am very proud because so many people offered to give me the answers and cheated themselves. I like knowing that I did it on my own.
And yet at the same time, I still have no idea what I'm doing or who I am. I've just been feeling so lost lately. Everything I ever try to say or write always ends up sounding so stupid. Why does everything make so much more sense in my head? Why can't I communicate my feelings to others properly?
Actually, this has never been a real problem before. It will not be a problem now!
I am going to meet many new people tomorrow and people have been saying I have an inviting personality. I hope the people I meet tomorrow think so.
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| "I like your laugh, it's nice"
Did Friday really actually happen ?
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| : Say what you like, but I loved your voice from the moment I met you.
I dont even think you realize how much that meant to me.
These past few weeks have been amazing, even with Lannhu gone. I expected them to be just an extension of the terrible year I have been having. Tony and I have been hanging out until midnight almost every night and talking a lot more than we have been doing these past few months. I am happy to know that we've moved on enough to put our animosity past us. I made my happiness list and I swore that I would finish it, but Ken has me thinking otherwise. I don't necessarily know if those things will make me any happier, or they will make...someone else happier.
I need to do what I want.
I now have a beach cruiser and I will be riding it everywhere. It really gets my minds off the things that have still been bothering me. The ride home from Edinger was amazing. Even though the sun was plastering itself on the earth and my body was definitely feeling the effects of it's intense heat for hours, that was almost better than anything I've done in a while. I enjoy the time to myself.
And my question to myself: If these weeks have been so much better than anything 2009 has thrown at me, why do I still feel like I'm not happy?
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